Hopes and Heat

To say I struggled in writing this is simplifying the post. As I type this opening line I am still unsure if I'll publish it.  Yet, this is a blog about running, struggles and honesty regardless of how brutal they are.

In signing up for The Wintrhop Marathon I knew it was to be my race.  The course is beautiful (preventing boredom) with a large net elevation loss boasting huge PRs to those running it in previous years.  A small race with big extras ~ I was fed the night before and after the race which also included free beer ~ all at no extra cost outside of my $65 registration fee.  

Coming back from injury, my training started out cautiously.  Once I saw the healing had taken place I ramped up in preparation for a very strong race.  My speed got faster and I had some of the strongest long distance runs I've seen.Two months before the marathon I set a 30 second 5k PR. 

Months leading up to the marathon I monitored my eating and increased my rest.  Everything I could do to prepare for this race, I did.  Lasered in on my goal I knew it was mine to take.  Never in my life had I felt more ready, more determined or more focused on this goal.  I was ready.

Peeking out the hotel window at 5 a.m. there was not a cloud in the sky.  It was going to be hot.  I do not do well running in heat.  AT ALL.  I sharpen my mental game.

Before the race, Kathy and I did our normal pre-race routine which included light running to warm up our muslces.  Here I felt a struggle to breathe and was taken aback by  this. Allergies?  Elevation?  I am confused.

The race proceeded and although the day got warmer I held right on pace until mile 9.  Mile 9.  I backed off my pace in hopes to have a strong finish despite losing my goal time.  By mile 16 my watch told me a new PR wasn't in the works.  And that is where anger collided with disappointment and sadness.

The raw emotions I feel are many, yet one stands out overwhelmingly, and that is sadness.  Don't be mistaken, this is not feeling sorry for myself and it is not self-pity.  I am standing neck deep in the heartbreak of a goal hoped for and pryed out of my grasp by the heat of the sun.

Just as in the race I put one foot in front of the other and I will continue to do so with my training.  There are other races this year and more training to do.  My motivation is gone and I am mentally exhausted.   Not one to ever curl up into a ball and give up, however I do feel as if I am sitting on a curb emotionally and physically spent.  My crossed arms perched on my knees cradling my head which rests on them. I am sitting on the curb and have no desire to get up from it.

And that's ok.

One day the spark of motivation will come and it will be the extended hand I need to pull me up off the curb and start my training again.   Until then I'll lace up my shoes, run, and heal.