Awesome Pants

3:12 a.m.  I roll over.  Over the last 6 weeks I haven't slept much so there was no surprise when the clock told me what I already suspected.  Still, I try and sleep.

At 4:00 I hear my oldest call to me from his room.  3 days away from being 17 and he has been sick in bed with the flu for 2 days.  In the darkness I find my way to his bedside.  He is hot to the touch.   I refill his cup with cold water, get a wet washcloth for his forehead and measure out medicine.  At 6'2" and knocking on the door of being a grown up, I relish the time I get to dote on him.

I crawl back into bed knowing the 5:00 a.m. alarm will ring in 30 minutes telling me it's time to go run.  Every fiber of my being does not want to run.  Winds are whipping outside my window and the gusts rattle the panes.  A downpour begins so fierce it sounds like rocks bouncing off the skylight.

Ugh.

Right on cue, the alarm rings.  The rains have stopped; the winds have not.  I continue to lay there.  I justify all the reasons why I don't have to run.  Yet I know, one of the best things to prevent me swimming in my broken heart is to exercise.  As hard as it is to get up in the dark of winter to run, not running is harder.

Getting dressed, I tip toe to the back door and open the slider.  The wind is a steady 14 mph with gusts well into the 20s.  The wind is from the south, bringing with it warmth in comparison to the 11° we had 4 days previous.  The rain clouds had parted great enough to show me the full moon hidden behind them.   Warm wind, full moon - these are unexpected surprises I would not have known had I stayed in bed.

Leaving the neighborhood I am faced with a head wind.  I tuck my head down to help fight against it.   Objects fly around me as I catch glimpses of them in the light cast by my headlamp.  Clouds roll quickly across the sky and occasionally the full moon bursts through illuminating the road in front of me.

A mile passes by and my watch chirps.  I glance at it and am surprised by the speedy pace I have kept despite the wind.  Another mile and a faster pace still.  I am grateful I didn't stay in bed.  Mid-stride a gust tries to knock me over.  I recover and giggle at the absurdity of it all.  My neighbors drive by and I know they think I'm crazy.  It doesn't matter, I feel good.  I decide to tack on another mile to the end of my 5 mile run.  My run complete and each mile faster than the previous one.  A joy I wouldn't have known had I stayed in bed; a joy that comes only from pushing yourself.

I felt awesome.

Later, as I drove my youngest son to school, we talked of the strong winds blowing and my run earlier that morning.   As I dropped him off and he jumped out of the car I told him, "Remember to wear your Awesome Pants today."

He smiled and said, "Mom.  I always do."  He then reached his hands in the air, began to dance and sang the line from a Lady Gaga song, "Cuz baby I was born that way."

He was still dancing his way into the school as I pulled away.  Driving to work, I thought a lot about what he said.  As hard as it's been lately and as unmotivated as I have been, God still made me awesome.  He made me perfectly me. 

The least I can do is put on my Awesome Pants every day.